Shadowboxing
July 25, 2024 Adam Miller
From a distance, it seems like this is a tough year for both club racers and the MRA. For me, personally, attendance has been really sparse. I feel bad being part of the MRA’s apparent problems right now, but racing is a really hard thing to do year in and year out. As always, time and money are two things that are difficult to come by in abundance for the average racer. At the moment, I’m trying to stay as fit as possible in hopes that the means can be found to go racing again. While keeping my tools sharp, I had some writing inspiration strike on a run a little while back.
It’s a laughable distance for some but, for me, at my current age and level of fitness, a 5 mile run at Denver altitude with over 300 feet of climb is work. I have a beautiful route near my house snaking alongside Green Mountain and around the neighborhoods of west Lakewood that put me in touch with nature without requiring a drive to the mountains.
View from Green Mountain Running Trail, Lakewood, CO, June 2024
I plug into my tunes, hit start on my fitness tracker, and hit the road at pace from the first step. This is my jogging equivalent to jumping into a cold pool head first instead of easing in an inch at a time. The first mile covers the majority of the 300 ft of climb and, running late in the evening as I often do, this stretch is an act of willpower as I shake off the fatigue of the day and get ready to take on the remaining 4 miles. The 1 mile distance notification goes off in my earbuds at a 10:00 min/mile pace; decent for a run that will last almost an hour. I crest the first major climb, the ground flattens out, my heart rate and breathing relax, and I take some time to appreciate the view. My mind starts to drift toward racing as it all too often does during fitness time. When can I race a full season again? What do I need in order to do that? Where am I losing the most time at High Plains right now? How do I turn my weaknesses into strengths? What's with my damn mental block preventing me from converting 1.4G braking into a deeper corner entry? How do I shake off old habits without seriously injuring myself or wadding up the bike? Should I go ahead and replace my fork seals and brake pads? Is it time to give up the Ducati experiment or is that next step just right around the corner? Kori was looking pretty good this evening. Ok, not all thoughts are about racing. The 2 mile notification sounds off and I start to develop a nasty cramp. Damn, this one is bad. For 1/2 of a mile, I try to control my pace and run through the cramp but, with each passing step, it spreads further and my breathing tightens. Eventually, I have to start walking because I'm not getting enough oxygen in to maintain a run. I knew I should have hydrated more. This is the second time in a month this has happened. It's discouraging when you have to break up the rhythm of a run because you can't will your body into cooperating. I immediately resolve that this will be different than last time. I will not run in 1/2-mile bursts for 3 miles. I’m going to work through this, pick up my previous pace, and finish this run to completion even if I have to vomit, pass out, or collapse on my driveway to do so. I put my hands over my head to open up my lungs and force in deep, labored breaths to get rid of the cramp that is now spanning my entire abdomen. I walk at a brisk pace and work the cramp out for a few hundred yards. The moment the cramp subsides enough to breath normally I’m back on the move again, running at pace. The 3 mile marker sounds off and I’m now deep into my playlist. My body feels great. I could run like this for another 10 miles. It’s at this point that I have a realization worth writing about. This run is a microcosm representation of my competitive side. With a few niche exceptions, I’m not a naturally gifted person overflowing with talent, but I am a hard worker and I have a bottomless well of determination when I set my mind to something. Some might call it a endless void of obsession, but I prefer to see it as a positive attribute so I’m sticking with the well analogy for now.
On to the self reflective part of this otherwise benign bit of exercise. The run started out good but I ran into an unanticipated internal limit. In a sense, it was a failure because the goal was to run the full distance without stopping. However, my response to the challenge was to overcome rather than succumb to it. As I jogged to a hault in front of my house right after the 5 mile notification rang triumphantly in my earbuds, I finally felt the resolve missing from my last 12 months of racing start to swell up inside me again. It’s a hunger that’s hard to describe. My best approximation is that it’s like being possessed. Once that feeling hits, all the work put in toward the goal is perfunctory and enjoyable even, and perhaps especially, if it’s grueling.
So why does any of this matter right now? I’m currently an aging racer sitting at a precipice of skill, experience, desire, maturity, and a willingness to continue learning that make me capable of being in the mix. Even if I can't beat the competition out of the gate, getting my ass kicked is like dumping gasoline on an already healthy flame. You can bet your lunch money that if I fail at something important to me, and I promise that racing is quite important to me, I will hammer away at myself relentlessly until I taste success. And so I continue in this way. Training, riding, planning, making moves, and overcoming challenges to continue pursuit of a few season’s worth of my best riding before the zenith of my club racing potential has passed. I honestly don’t know if this goal will ever materialize for me, but I do know that I'll be ready to give it everything I have when when I’m able to lasso in another opportunity to try again.
For the record, after my failure to run the full 5 miles responsible for this period of reflection, I ran a full 50 miles in the month of June in 5+ mile increments without ever stopping during a run again and did an extra 50+ miles worth of hiking and cycling. I upped the ante again in July and still have room to push higher. This is how a persistent person operates and it is how I will continue my pursuit being the best rider I can be: identify weaknesses and grind them away.
Mojo Rising, July 2025
Looking forward to the rest of the season, logistics, as ever, are challenging. I’m now a full time stay-at-home Dad which obviously gets priority and, at my last accounting, adds up to over 80 hours/week of Dad and household management stuff. I’m keeping conversations at home regularly pointed at completing two more rounds this season. We have a few rounds left and I fully intend to participate in 3 rounds this year. The objective is to maximize race time within my logistical limits so that I can keep working, learning, and growing.
Never. Lift.
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